The Love That Brought Me Back to Life - Part 1

Discovering the God I Had Always Hoped Was Real

“And I pray that you…may have power…to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge.”
—Ephesians 3:17–19

When I first encountered the words of Ephesians 3:14–19, I recognized the God I had always hoped was real.

This passage describes a Father who strengthens us through His Spirit, makes His home in our hearts through faith, and roots us securely in love. It speaks of a love so wide, so long, so high, and so deep that we can never fully comprehend it—a love capable of filling the empty, wounded places within us with the fullness of God.

This was the kind of God I had always wanted to believe in.

But for most of my life, I did not have confirmation that He truly loved me—or that this kind of personal, powerful, saving love was meant for me.

Then Jesus found me.

The Lie I Believed

Before August 2025, I was in tremendous emotional and spiritual pain. Darkness had gained access to my thoughts, emotions, and even my body. My mind had become a battleground, and I did not yet understand the spiritual warfare taking place within me.

The enemy repeatedly told me that I was a terrible person. He told me I should not really be here. He used my wounds, mistakes, shame, and fears as evidence against me. He wanted me to believe there was something fundamentally wrong with me—something beyond forgiveness, healing, or redemption.

Jesus tells us the true nature of the enemy:

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.”
—John 10:10

I know now that the enemy wanted to steal my peace, kill my hope, and destroy the life God had given me. He wanted to separate me from the truth of God’s love and, ultimately, from God Himself.

If he could not persuade me to take my own life, he would try to keep me small, scared, ashamed, and hidden. He would keep me trapped in the darkness of the stronghold he had helped build in my mind.

As long as I believed his lies, I would remain afraid to live fully, love freely, speak openly, or step into the calling God had placed on my life.

One of the enemy’s most persistent lies was very specific:

Jesus is not real.

He told me that anyone who believed in Jesus, surrendered to Him, and gave Him their life was a fool on a fool’s journey.

And for a long time, I believed that lie.

Until Jesus Himself came looking for me.

When the Shepherd Found His Lost Sheep

In August 2025, Jesus found me—His lost sheep.

I had not figured everything out. I had not made myself worthy. I had not climbed my way out of the darkness or reasoned my way into faith.

He came for me.

And the truth He gave me was simple, personal, and powerful:

“LeAnn, I love you.”

Those words became the first confirmation that God truly loved me and had come to save me.

Whenever my mind came under attack, Jesus would remind me:

“LeAnn, I love you.”

When shame told me I was a terrible person:

“LeAnn, I love you.”

When fear told me I should not be here:

“LeAnn, I love you.”

When the enemy tried to drag me back into confusion and darkness:

“LeAnn, I love you.”

He said my name over and over again.

“LeAnn, I love you.”

“LeAnn, I love you.”

“LeAnn, I love you.”

And somehow, I knew His voice.

Jesus said that the Shepherd calls His sheep by name and that His sheep recognize His voice. That is what happened to me. He called me by name, and something deep within me recognized Him.

His voice did not sound like condemnation. It did not shame, threaten, or accuse me. His voice carried truth, authority, tenderness, safety, and love.

The enemy had used my name to condemn me.

Jesus spoke my name to claim me.

I Knew I Was His

As Jesus continued speaking His love over me, I began to know things I had never been able to know before.

I knew His love was real.

I knew His love was true.

I knew His love was eternal.

I knew I belonged to Him.

I knew I was no longer lost.

I knew I could hear Him.

I knew I could find Him in Scripture.

I knew the God I had always hoped existed had revealed Himself to me through Jesus Christ.

My circumstances did not instantly become easy, and every painful thought did not disappear at once. But I was no longer alone in the battle. The Holy Spirit was with me, strengthening me from within, helping me recognize the difference between the voice of accusation and the voice of my Savior.

The enemy said, “You are condemned.”

Jesus said, “You are Mine.”

The enemy said, “You should not be here.”

Jesus said, “I came so you may have life.”

The enemy said, “Hide in the darkness.”

Jesus said, “Come into the light.”

The enemy said, “No one could love you if they really knew you.”

Jesus said, “LeAnn, I know you completely—and I love you.”

My Starving Spirit Came Back to Life

Before Jesus found me, my spirit felt as though it were starving and almost dead. I had spent years searching for something that could satisfy a thirst I could not fully name.

Then Jesus gave me living water.

He fed me with the bread of life.

Scripture was no longer simply a collection of religious words. It became alive. I could see Him there. I could recognize the same voice that had spoken my name—the voice of the Shepherd, the Savior, and the One who had come to rescue me.

Ephesians 3:14–19 gave language to what I was experiencing.

God was strengthening me through His Spirit in my inner being. Christ was making His home in my heart through faith. He was beginning to root and establish me in love—not in fear, shame, performance, or the opinions of other people.

For the first time, I was beginning to grasp how wide, long, high, and deep the love of Christ truly is.

His love was wide enough to reach every part of me.

Long enough to cover every year I had spent wandering.

High enough to lift me out of darkness.

Deep enough to reach the wounds I had hidden from everyone—including myself.

This was not merely the idea of love. It was the presence of Love Himself.

The God I Hoped For Had Come for Me

I had always hoped God was loving, but Jesus showed me that His love was not distant, abstract, or impersonal.

God’s love knew my name.

God’s love entered my darkness.

God’s love found me when I was lost.

God’s love confronted the lies that were destroying me.

God’s love stayed with me through every attack.

God’s love spoke life when the enemy spoke death.

God’s love did not wait for me to become healed, holy, or certain before coming for me.

The God described in Ephesians 3 is not simply the God I had always hoped mine might be.

He is my God.

He is my Father.

Jesus is my Savior.

The Holy Spirit is my Helper, Comforter, Counselor, and Defender.

The God who loved the world so much that He sent His only Son also loved me enough to come into my darkness, call me by name, and bring me back to life.

“For God so loved the world” is gloriously true.

But when Jesus found me, I finally understood that “the world” included LeAnn.

God so loved LeAnn that He sent His Son for her.

And because I believe in Him, I have everlasting life.

His Love Is Stronger Than the Lie

The enemy still tries to speak. He still attempts to use old wounds, fears, and failures to make me question who I am.

But now I know the voice of my Shepherd.

When the enemy says I am unworthy, I remember the Cross.

When he says I am alone, I remember the Holy Spirit lives within me.

When he says my life has no purpose, I remember that Jesus came to give me abundant life.

When he tries to return me to the darkness, I remember that I have been found.

And through every battle, I return to the truth Jesus spoke over me:

“LeAnn, I love you.”

His love is wider than my failures.

Longer than my years of wandering.

Higher than every accusation.

Deeper than my most painful wound.

His love surpasses knowledge, yet He allows me to know it.

I was starving, and He fed me.

I was thirsty, and He gave me living water.

I was tormented, and He spoke peace.

I was hiding, and He called me into the light.

I was dying inside, and He brought my spirit back to life.

I was lost, and my Shepherd came to find me.

Now I know the truth:

Jesus is real.

Jesus saves.

Jesus still calls His sheep by name.

And I am His.

“LeAnn, I love you.”

Those are the words that found me.

Those are the words that rescued me.

And those are the words I will spend the rest of my life believing, receiving, and sharing.